Using Values to Expand What is Allowed to Exist as Healthy

At the session I facilitated, we discussed the idea of using values to expand what is allowed to exist as healthy.

Jumping straight to the end, we concluded with a discussion of who not to work with. In particular, we discussed a series of concentric circles: (1) those in a marginalized group, (2) those who already recognize and accept the marginalized and encourage belonging, (3) then those who accept the marginalized group members but not more, (4) those who might accept, and (5) those who are unlikely to accept.

It would be great for all those in the first circle, if the only folks outside the first circle were in the second circle, but that is not reality. The further out the circle, the more energy is required to work with individuals. We must be discerning with whom to work and recognize that to protect our energy we do not have to work with everyone. Perhaps those in ring (2) who are not marginalized can work with those in the outermost ring.

To get there, we began by discussing the importance of aligning values and actions no matter where we are in any organizational chart and no matter what we are doing in life. That led to a discussion of values. We had a long discussion about safety and bodily sovereignty. One person brought up the idea of being a subversive destabilizer; in this role we can hold others accountable for their beliefs and actions while caring enough to be curious about the reasons for others’ beliefs. We also acknowledged that life contributes to what each believes to be true.

As we do not all have the same lives, we must consider how and with whom we choose to share enough of our lives to try to make a difference in others’ truths. We brainstormed about trust—particularly when we give it. Several in the discussion talked about how we code switch if we don’t know the level of trust we should give. When thinking about the innovation of ethics, we recognized that each of us holds stories that don’t belong to us as we are in community with others who struggle. Determining how to use those stories is critical for the safety of the marginalized and for moving discussion forward.

The push and pull of sharing, attempting to change, and protecting led us to the concentric circle ideas mentioned above. Who are in your concentric circles and can you work with anyone in the outer group?